Clouds

I grew up listening to and singing a lot of hymns. On Sunday mornings my dad would often awaken us by playing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s ‘Hymns Triumphant’ record on the stereo really loudly. I remember learning to read the hymns in the hymnal, verse by verse, my mom’s finger guiding me word by word, her other hand firmly balancing the book on the edge of the pew in front of us while we stood singing.

And I’ve had a verse from a hymn running through my mind for several days this week:

You fearful saints, fresh courage take;

    the clouds you so much dread

are big with mercy and shall break

    in blessings on your head.

 

It took me a bit to figure out which hymn it’s from (verse 3 of God Moves in a Mysterious Way by William Cowper) and I wonder if it came to mind at first because of the word dread and last week’s passage about how the Egyptians came to dread the Israelites. It feels like there is a lot to dread these days. And I’ve been finding a lot of comfort in these words.

 

I’ve written before about being aware of my fears these days, how it’s been helpful to name them before God. This week is no exception, especially with school beginning and so many unknowns. I’m definitely one of the ‘fearful saints’ and the hymn has reminded me that I’m not alone, and that being afraid doesn’t somehow make me less a beloved child of God. I’m fearful and a saint, claimed by Christ and made holy. And God’s people have faced dreadful things before and been afraid and still beloved.

 

I’m not sure how to ‘fresh courage take,’ but I’m praying for fresh courage. Praying to trust God with all my heart, mind and strength. Remembering that courage is lived out in small actions, in being faithful. Remembering who I am and to whom I belong and remembering that my children and all of you belong to God and are held in God’s loving hands.

 

And as I’ve been singing ‘the clouds . . . are big with mercy,’ I’ve been paying attention to the clouds in the sky while walking with Emma towards school in the morning and while walking Luna at night. There’s been such a variety this week, and as I’ve been reflecting on this today, I’m aware that God’s mercy is full of variety too—uniquely shaped to meet each of us in our particular sufferings and needs.

 

One of my recent favorite books for older kids is The Inquisitor’s Tale by Adam Gidwitz. There are a lot of things I like about it, but one of the things I appreciated most was that what the main characters feared most turned out to be what saved them. I think of that when I think of the last part of this verse ‘the clouds you so much dread . . . shall break in blessings on your head.’ This isn’t a promise that nothing bad will happen or that we won’t suffer, instead it is an affirmation that God is the one who brings life out of death, that God is the one who gives blessings, and that nothing can separate us from God’s love.